8 Years Ago
“So let me get this cistraight? Two people who are what is called ‘white’ had a back and forth about whether the ‘President’ of our nation-state of Us-Americans was ‘race baiting.’ They deflected the opportunity to state their opinion on whether the ‘Dent is racist, but wanted to verify whether the ‘Dent was race baiting? Because race baiting exists in a vacuum and has nothing to do with philosophical background.”
Will Powers pauses. Faces right-side camera. Continues talking.
“Cis-het male reporter then asks of an Asian woman and Latinx man, ‘Are we going to be able to repair this rift?’ . . . Not with some lukewarm ass investigational vigor like that you’re not, TomBobDavidJohnChristopher. If that’s investigative reporting, what’s acting?”
“And this week on This Weak! Drumroll please.”
DRUMROLL SOUND EFFECT COMMENCES
Mash-up of moments of the week become the focus on the screen.
“Today—as far as the state of blackness is acknowledged, appreciated and respected in the mainstream news or present-day societal ways of life—I am THIS WEAK!”
Video of “Why You Lying” Vine by Nick Fraser (@Downgoes.Fraser) plays.
“How weak is you, Dr. Nikki Blak?”
Zoom out reveals the This Weak guest Dr. Nikki Blak and the This Weak Recap Panel in front of their electronic gavels in the “Eye of the Needle Chamber.”
“Guurl, I am THIS WEAK:”
Video of “Girl Falls Out Of Moving Car While Dancing The Whip:Twerking” Vine with Brittany Swift plays.
“But you know what the gag is, Will?”
“Omgaah. What, Nikki?”
“Brittany Swift got up without a scratch! So the joke’s on oppression if you ask me.”
YAAAAAS VOICEOVER PLAYS. AUDIENCE LAUGHTER.
“I did ask. And you know what I like to say, Nikki?”
“What’s that, Will?”
“What doesn’t kill your spirit, makes you blacker.”
Will Powers winks at camera. “Fight the Power” by Public Enemy plays into the commercial break.
6 Years Ago
Dangerous and violent radical female terrorists decided to take matters into their own hands this week when they assassinated several members of our cabinet, including my predecessor. The state of Martial Law that was declared has seen gross abuses on both sides and there have been divisions along party, societal and family lines that has left what remains of our great nation exposed and vulnerable.
At this time we have no choice but to relinquish the parts of the country formerly known as Hawaii, California, Oregon, Washington, New Mexico and Colorado. Including large swaths of Nevada, Montana, Arizona and Texas; which have declared themselves fundamentally neutral territories and refuse both the rule of The Nation and the so called “Amazonian” Terrorist Ring. Large-scale attacks have decimated our numbers and we are fighting for order in Illinois, New York and Philadelphia.
The terrorists have gone to lengths seen only in the darkest of times in this country. These women are despicable and they have used deception and sentimental ties to infiltrate and filch our forces. We have no choice but to instate a draft from what is left of the youthful and able-minded populace. The draft will begin in the Capital starting Wednesday. Exemptions will be made only after assessment on a case by case basis. Any dodgers of the draft will be caught and sent to the frontlines.
Any person caught harboring, fraternizing or otherwise assisting any members of the ATR or the cities in so-called “neutral territories” will be imprisoned and held without trial until the conclusion of the rebellion. Any members of the ATR or any leaders of the so-called “neutral territories” that are caught within the Nationstate will be captured or killed on sight. Any person attempting to escape the Nationstate for so-called “neutral territories” or the ATR will be captured or killed on sight.
A memorial service will be held for the fallen presidential cabinet this Monday and all loyal subjects of the Nationstate will be expected to attend or tune in at any of the national broadcast stations we have set up across the nation. If you notice any of your friends, family members or neighbors are missing, be sure to report them so we can verify their status and identity prior to the rebellion.
Long live the Nationstate. E Pluribus Unum.
4 Years Ago
“Today, I wasn’t meant to be on this stage. They did everything in their power to keep me from being here—But I’m A Powers, and my character isn’t that easy to kill.”
“They would like you to believe that the things I speak on—the things that have brought me both this audience and my most blatant antagonizers—aren’t possible. They can’t let it be possible in their lifetimes and that is their downfall. Fundamentally they can’t even understand why you’re here. Yet here we are, 6 million strong.”
CLAPPING AND CHEERING
“I’m not advocating for the impossible! I am very real. You are very real. And we’re all sharing reality here. Yet, they can’t even deal with the reality because they’re so infantile in their wonderings. Today they have at least 6 million and 1 questions that they seem equally incapable of answering.”
“I’m here—in the face of unspeakable tragedy—because this cause is why they attacked me. Apparently, what I’m doing is working.”
“I’m here today speaking on behalf of the truths that have always been knowable because they have long been here. And long been true. And too long gone unacknowledged through the duplicity of societies, and governments and individuals. We say no more!”
“We say not again!”
“But we’re not asking for permission this time. No. We’re just doing it. And we won’t threaten them with violence or death because we don’t need it.”
LAUGHTER AND CLAPPING
“We already know they thrive on atrocity. That isn’t what they fear.”
“What they fear is the truth made apparent. And that is what we’ll give them! We will outlive them. Our ideas will outlast them. And the things they think people cannot live without? We will do away with!”
“And the forces that be will learn—at the great costs they spent—that there’s only room for transparency when you’re surrounded by mirrors. We will reflect! We will shine! And we will be clear!”
“WE ARE MIRRORS! WE ARE MIRRORS! WE ARE MIRRORS!”
2 Years Ago
“This just in. It would appear the factions have reached a terms agreement. We’re going live with Nancy who is stationed on the ground within neutral territory. Is that correct, Nancy?”
“Yes Zyzyx. I’ve been in the Safe Zone awaiting news with other news outlets since last night. It’s the first time in over two years the Safe Zone has been cleared for all parties to enter without incident thus far.”
“I can only imagine the tension on the ground. What’s happened in the past several hours, Nancy?”
“There’s been a bit of reluctant sharing of information between our correspondents, Zyzyx. The Amazonia Republic, the Nationstate and the Neutral Territories have not shared space in some time; a lot of information has been lost between borders and firewalls. We’re corroborating several news items across factions to provide our audience with a highly efficient retrospective of the last two years.”
“Have they announced any particular terms of the agreement they’ve reached and what it entails?”
“The news has been trickling out at a snail’s pace, but we’ve determined that all three factions have agreed to terms set before them by a coalition made up of the Protectors of the Defamed, the Defenders of the Slain and the Sweet Talkers—the negotiation representatives of our great Amazonia Republic, the Nationstate and the Neutral Territories, respectively.”
“It’s almost too good to believe. Does it feel that way down there?”
“Well nobody has left yet to go home and collate a report if that’s what you mean.” Nancy chuckled.
“And I imagine nobody is holding their breath either.”
“That’s righ—Hold on! It looks like we have movement. Exiting the building now are the Sweet Talkers. They’ve entered covered cars and the last Sweet Talker to exit the building is none other than Will Powers! She’s refusing to stop and speak to anyone.”
“Will Powers! She hasn’t been spotted outside of the Neutral Territories since giving her Mirrors Speech in the fallen Capital—then dubbed ‘Safe Zone 1’—the day of her tragic loss 2 years ago.”
“That’s right, Zyzyx. She was already popular because of her syndicated late night show, ‘THIS WEAK with Will Powers,’ before launching into greater fame as the face of what is now known as ‘Dynamic Neutrality’ during the first assassinations carried out by the founding mothers of our great Amazonia Republic.”
“The murderers still haven’t been caught.”
“Once Safe Zone 1’s terms were violated by the assassination attempt upon Will Powers the morning she was en route to her hotel prior to the Millions March, all Safe Zones in both the Amazonia Republic and the Nationstate were abandon—one moment.” Nancy paused. “Exiting the building now is the former Secretary of the defunct Unites States of America along with the mother of Albert Hall, one of the first men assassinated during the 5th Wave Womxn’s Movement.”
“It’s the first sighting of the Secretary of State in the revamped Safe Zone in the past 4 years, if I recall?”
“That’s correct. He declared he wouldn’t enter any Safe Zone after the former presidential cabinets assassination and he held to that promise despite the growing uproar across factions. Here he is now. Sir! Sir! May I have a word? How does it feel to be in the former Capital for the first time in 4 years?” Nancy held the microphone out towards him.
“Fucking criminal. Now get out of my way or haven’t you womxn done enough with your questioning?”
“Does that mean you and Will Powers had words inside, sir?”
“It means you’re not getting any more out of me about that cunt either!”
“Telling us what he really feels there, isn’t he Nancy?”
“It would seem so, Zyzyx. But he’s a man of less words these days.”
“They all are.”